I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There's always time for handjobs
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
