I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Never joke about your clitoris.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
