id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
only if we run a train.
done.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
