Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
