laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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