My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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