His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
