She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
