mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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