Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
