i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Never underestimate the power of titties
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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