how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
