My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
