I think I just saw someone hide a body.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
