i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
