I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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