i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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