We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
