Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
