Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
