Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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