I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
