I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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