I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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