There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
