Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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