Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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