Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I just shit out all my problems.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
