i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
someone owes me an orgasm
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
