How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
