He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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