would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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