Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The power of my boobs compel you
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
