Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
