3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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