I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
