He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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