those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
