Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
