just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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