shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
