Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
