I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
