yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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