Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
