were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
