Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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