Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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