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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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