In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
