my mouth tastes like poor choices
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
