Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
